In conversation with the suave lifestyle entrepreneur and connoisseur of modern luxury
Chhaya Momaya
Chhaya Momaya is a synonym for panache, enigma and candor. Her enviable style is imitated by the rich society ladies as well as the glamorous Miss India contestants. She is India's high profile Life Coach, Image Consultant and a famous influence in the business of high end labels.
When she makes a seven star entry in the posh lounges and hallways of the Oberoi, Taj Mahal Palace and Four Seasons, her inborn charisma is impossible to overlook.
Her home is often lit up with a flamboyant league of guests. She can flawlessly concoct a delightful conversation with foreign ambassadors, world class royals and modern youth icons alike. Her close friends include a legion of political statesmen, top notch Bollywood stars and creme de la creme of elite social circuit.
When you google Chhaya Momaya you see her omnipresence in multiple realms of art, literature, Bollywood, fashion and corporate. You can learn about myriad ideas just by reading about her.
She would rather indulge herself with learning and traveling than whizz around at glitzy luncheons. She divides her time between Mumbai, Paris, New York, Italy, South of France; exploring the world and infusing an upbeat image of India in the eyes of her international clientele.
We bonded over a telephonic interview on a late lockdown afternoon as she poured her illuminating insights in response to my questions. In a nutshell I learnt that, we should discover the meaning of luxury independently without getting lost into a trend, standard or norm. We should never let go of the opportunity to give. Giving can be beyond material. A good party doesn’t revolve around usual extravagance but is defined by the special connections that hang on to enrich you long after the merry-making. Finally, to become a complete human being, you should outgrow the narrow-minded belief that your life is superior to others.
Read on to discover the life of Chhaya Momaya, who is certainly the diva next door we all fancy.
How are your spending your spare time in the lockdown ?
I am taking a good breather from my regular routine, donning a lot of new hats. I have been exercising, dancing, doing zoom calls and attending to my clients. Obviously, the staff has come down to almost a half, so there are few additional responsibilities I need to attend to on my own. But overall, I am enjoying this period. I am actually exploring the poetic and dancing side of me. I am exercising which I was not so regular at due to my work timings. Now there is enough time, no travel time at all. When you save on your travel time, you begin focusing on your inner self and that's what I have been doing. I have also realized that I can prepare homemade food. For almost 30 years, I have never been to the kitchen. Interestingly, this is my first time. I thought, "lets try something different," and soon I was preparing a delicious Bhindi ka sabji. My husband says, "Chhaya stop cooking, I am putting on weight eating your food". I consider that as the sweetest compliment ever. I felt nice to learn that I had that skill in me.
Mrs Chhaya Momaya shares an intimate moment with her husband Mr Nirmal Momaya, son Mr Dheer Momaya and Ukranian daughter-in-law Mrs Dar Gai Momaya
What inspired you to choose the unconventional careers of image consultancy and life coaching?
I hail from a business family and my father was conservative. Women in the family couldn't go out and work for anybody else. My father used to say, if you can do something then you should do it independently. My Dad owned an engineering factory where there are machines like ball bearings. At that time, handling all those equipment seemed more like a man's job. As a college-going woman, I always wondered what else I can do. However right from my childhood, I have always been conscious of the way I carry myself and the way I look after my skin. So I started preparing homemade Ayurvedic face packs. I gave them to a lot of my close friends from filmstars Sangeeta Bijlani, Padmini Kolhapure to the royal Rajmata Gayatridevi. I converted that into a full fledged business and I kept on receiving a lot of renowned clientele. Eventually, I met this lady who first came to me as a client. Later on, she wanted me to groom her daughter because she has to get her married. "I want her to look like you, be like you and talk like you", she said. So I trained her daughter and it was a success. She found an elegant guy who was very impressed with her and proposed to marry. In time, a whole lot of her cousins started coming to me. I remember my mother used to tell me that from as early as the age of two, I never wanted to play in the mud without wearing a nice outfit. I wanted to dress up even while going down to the playground with other kids. I would still want to wear my jewelry, that's just what I was born with. Nobody had to tell me that I had to dress nicely, that I have to groom. Thus, I got into being a life coach. I majored in psychology from Mithibai College so consulting as a profession worked very well for me to understand people and put my education into practice.
What's your answer to 'Why hire an image consultant or a life coach'?
People should be well-versed about the way they carry themselves, the kind of language they speak and the kind of letters they write. Nowadays almost everybody is an international traveler. It has become necessary for these jet setters to learn the soft skills and develop the right approach to global cultures. When meeting the foreign counter part, we should be well-aware of the etiquette that needs to be followed so to not seem offensive. We have our own unique culture and foreigners have their own, but as the saying goes, 'In Rome, be like the Romans do'. For instance, when a German comes to you and says Namaste, you become pleased and start connecting easily. This 'connect' is crucial especially when you are in somebody else's domain. I don't recommend that you need to completely adapt the new culture, but you need to respect the culture and adopt particular ways of behavior. A lot of professionals have realized the significance of these evolving lifestyle rituals. Most of the high end Corporates are busy in a 9 to 5 job. Post 5 o clock when they are travelling abroad, they instinctively feel the need to learn the special ways to develop a close connect with people, be able to talk sensibly and present the right gifts. Usually, you always tend to pick up the wrong thing. That's when a Life Coach comes into play to help you understand all the minute details such as what the people you are meeting will be like, how to explain your culture abroad and what are the things you are going to say. The conversation becomes interesting when we tell the foreigners about our culture as people are already aware what their culture is like. A Life Coach gives you a hands-on training about the words you are going to write, the gifts you need to give, the work etiquette you are going to apply and the protocols you need to follow. Imagine I planned a dinner and I want to change my time, shall I say, "Utkarsha can we do it at 5 o clock?" That is so abrupt! Instead if I say, "Utkarsha, is 5:00 pm convenient for you?" or "Can we schedule are meeting to 5 o clock? I hope I am not causing any inconvenience to you". At once, this little thing becomes a big game-changer between two people. You don't demand, but there is a request which you send out. With meticulous training, it all comes to you.
In the age of Facebook, Instagram and YouTube, what is the significance of one-to-one interaction or training?
It changes a lot of things when you are in contact with human beings, we have all our five senses in place. Humans coming together are one of the things that make a world. Different cultures blend together. You can learn a lot online but it is more technical unlike the one touch of my hand which intuitively communicates whether I am warm or just being friendly. There is a thin line between being friendly and being genuinely warm. These are the little things that clearly distinguish an actual physical contact. Again, why do we meet for coffee, or host big fat weddings? We can just get married in a temple, or go to a court. Nobody needs to be invited. It is about celebrating the milestones of human life, whether it is education or wedding. We can also come together to celebrate common emotions. You hear a person crack a joke, you are gonna laugh once, but when the whole world is laughing along with you it changes the whole scenario. When you see a comedy show and you hear a lot of people laughing in the background, you instantly realise the comedic elements. Laughing then is a collective thing, a celebration of being together in that moment. I would always prefer to talk to people on a one to one note than contact via internet. My son is away since two months and I still want to go and hug him although I can see him on video call everyday. Hugging each other is so much more intimate. You see all the film stars on screen but the time you come across them in real life you go gaga. What is the reason? A physical human presence echoes better in your system, that's why school, universities are still running right?
How would you define luxury ?
I think luxury is what each individual wishes to envisage. Luxury is not reliant on the money. For example, I love to prepare a bathtub, soak in it for about half an hour and pamper myself with Sea salts. I conceive that as a luxury, but for someone else, luxury could be shopping or simply wearing beautiful clothes. Luxury is hugely subjective. Sometimes, for me luxury is just being able to do the simple things I like. Right now, I am going through an immensely luxurious phase. I have got my home, I have got my family with me and I am cooking for them. I am chatting with my near and dear ones without any worries about leaving the house, going some where, attending an appointment as all the things are done in the house! We are living and spending time together, what bigger luxury can you have ? Luxury depends on your personality and your individual taste. Usually, my luxury would be absolute traveling. I love to travel and explore different varieties of cultures, food, people, their lifestyles, but at the same time, for some people luxury is buying jewelry. Luxury is subjective to what your priority is.
L-R : Chhaya Momaya, former First Lady of France Valerie Trierweiler, Kareena Kapoor Khan
What is your secret mantra for maintaining meaningful and long lasting relationships ?
Simply being warm and being a good listener to people. Being friendly is different from being warm. Plus, I am a genuine giver. You have to start giving, in whatever way you can. When you give, people start feeling a part of you. I'll tell you a small thing. My son is living in Bandra. He predicted that the lock down should be short, so for the time being, he told his housekeeper not to come. But the lock down got stretched and now his maid cannot step out. My son could not cook so my friends were sending him food. I wondered why all those people sent him food voluntarily, every singly day? It is not about putting one more potato in your recipe, thinking, 'I am anyways preparing for 5 people, I'll make extra'. People are sending him with love. They specially call and ask him, "Dheer what would you like to eat?" One of the reasons could be that I myself never cringed on giving people. I solidify my relationships not just by offering simple plain presents but by giving in different ways. Like if somebody is ill in the hospital, I'll make calls, I'll make sure they receive right medications or meet the right doctor. Giving is a different act for different people. I believe that when you help somebody, in the back of their mind nobody wants a free lunch, so people always want to respond back to you, whenever the time arrives to do so. Always give, you get double the amount, may be in the form of love or emotions, but you'll always get it back. You can also call it Karma.
I have always maintained my relations for years. Unless a person is really obnoxious, I have cut it off. I am fond of good solid people, who can be there for you and you can be there for them. I feel that when a time comes for somebody to need your help, without even blinking an eyelid, just go and do it. When you stand by people devotedly through rain and sunshine, people acknowledge you. That's what my forte is, being a complete loyalist. Even when the whole world will be against you, I'll stand with you like a solid rock. For me there is no substitute for commitment.
How are you able to excel in the art of conversation ?
I feel it is vital for a conversationalist to have knowledge. Today if you ask me what is the capital of Switzerland, what the city of Zurich is all about, I should be able to answer you. At least I should be able to talk about it. Everybody enjoys a piece of good information. Some people dwell on information about cooking, some people go wild over political issues and somebody else adores skincare or clothes. If you are well versed with all round information, you automatically become an interesting companion. The day to day experiences when you are listening to people, are a great source of knowledge. By gathering information you are not only becoming intelligent and well versed with the world but also gaining people around you.
When you speak about people you should add an adjective. "Oh I spoke to Utkarsha today" - that would be flat. But if you attach an adjective "Oh Utkarsha, hi, what a grateful lady, you are such an intelligent person, you are such a helpful person". All these adjectives help in creating a good impression and that leads to terrific conversations with a variety of people. Accordingly, people are aware that if you are talking to Chhaya Momaya, you do not have to worry about the kind of person she is. You just have to trust her because she will never misunderstand you. That's the kind of adjective and social identity you should build for yourself. Everybody is a brand in their own right and you can enhance your brand by the way you shape up your personality.
I also believe that each individual can deliver 'an entry'. For instance, when a good personality walks in, all the eyes will go towards the door and at the same time there could be a gorgeous looking lady in the room but people will not bother to look at her even if she is pretty and will just pass by her. When you make 'an entry' you bear your knowledge, personality and clothes, its a whole package which walks in with you. It is a special trait that each one of us have. One can make superb entry into a room where people will turn around and wonder, who that person is! It's not about being beautiful, its not about looking shiny or gorgeous. The sweeping attention is on your overall personality. For instance, when Amitabh Bachchan set foot into movies, the super good looking guys like Shashi Kapoor and Vinod Khanna were already dominating the silver screens. All of them were handsome as hell. In fact, the moment Amitabh Bachchan walked in, he was not one of the best looking guys, he was too tall and lanky, but his personality, his voice, his language, his attitude made everybody turn around and look at him. Even after four decades of him being in the industry, he has not lost his position. Each one of us has this quality within us, like a film star. We have to just build it up. Why do we go crazy over a film star? Because they are well-acquainted about the ways to draw a crowd. These so-called 'stars' were normal human beings. Before acting into movies, nobody was looking at them. But as soon as these movie icons appear on the screen, they know how to unleash that magic and leave you starstruck. That's how we all go crazy about them. Film actors are best testimony to the power of human persona.
Chhaya Momaya speaking at 66th Les Clefs D'Or Congress, Cannes
We all wonder how are you able to build that star-like persona?
First and foremost you build up your own confidence. Now you wonder, how does confidence come? My answer is conversations, learning and traveling. You absorb so much information that you are able to understand people, you are able to impart knowledge. The time you start imparting knowledge, your confidence level goes tens times over. Why does a teacher become the sole epicenter of an entire classroom? All the students proudly call her 'my teacher.' It is because of the knowledge that she is sharing. Teaching, sharing or explaining itself gives you confidence. Today, you ask me how a good manicure is done, what are the questions that we need to ask a family lawyer, what is the relationship between a husband and wife - I am able to answer all of that. I am not saying that you need to be a master. Nobody can become a master in ten different things, but you can be knowledgeable, you can be aware of whats going on. You should not claim, "O I am a doctor, I cannot understand fashion". I say you should at least be aware that the colour pink is in season right now or that you love to wear bell bottom. You don't need to become a model or fashion designer for that but the very fact that you are aware of it, is noteworthy. Besides, isn't it such a pleasure seeing a doctor dress up so well, that you automatically start feeling healthy? On the contrary, if you are in a hospital filled with an all-white-uniformed doctors and nurses, you start feeling pale and trapped in some boring dispensary. But when you notice a lot of beautiful paintings in a hygienic, clinical environment, when the food you are served is delicious instead of the regular boiled patient food, automatically you start recovering faster.
Even when you go to hospital to meet someone, dress up nicely, liven up the patient. Looking at you, the patient will want to get back to life and feel like being beautiful again. You can inspire people just by putting on a good dress.
You have to enjoy every flavour of life, every essence of human being. Imagine if all of us looked the same, how dull it will be? When you're chatting with a vegetable vendor, you are talking differently than when you're communicating with a doctor. You see, the language, the behaviour, everything changes. That's the fun of life! How boring it will be if the vegetable vendors start becoming like doctors? So there are different kinds of people in the world that you can enjoy. If there were only butterflies in the world and no other animals or birds our life would become so mundane. We all get excited when colour of the sky changes. The sky is normally blue, but the time a shade of orange, pink or violet emerges, we all exclaim, 'look the colour of sky has changed!' People immediately start clicking pictures. So change is the beauty of nature and of world. If everyone looked as gorgeous as Aishwarya Rai Bachchan then there will be no where else to look. People of different shades, shapes and sizes are so beautiful to watch. Enjoy the variety. Love what you are seeing and be thankful to nature for the manifold flavours it is offering you. As long as you are following the footsteps of something which is right, it is absolutely fine to play with change.
What rituals do you observe while organizing a party?
First and foremost, I create a guest list without which a party can never materialize. Only then comes the food and finally the decor. The decor depends on the selection of food that is being served and the mix of people I am inviting. Yes, and I always like to mix guest. Mixing and matching is my trademark party ritual. Because it is so unexciting to talk to only one kind of person. If I only call the lawyers, each one carries the same knowledge about the law and order, what else will the discussions be about? But the time I mix a model, a director or a doctor in a lawyer's room, you can only imagine the countless variety of things you can learn at a single party. You are anyways talking to your professional fellows almost daily, so would you be interested to catch up to the same type of people again? But if I add people who you meet rarely or have never met, you would love to hang around and initiate a conversation. The mantra is to always blend the right people together but only as long as you are confident that the person won't get drunk, throw tantrums, or create problems. By now all of us are well aware about who the society cringers are. You don't invite them, let them have a gathering of their own. But if you are inviting a whole lot of intellectually talking people, see to it that a lot of interesting conversations are being steered.
What also transpires in those trademark parties is me introducing my guests. Introducing someone is an indispensable ritual for me and I feel one should be very generous about introductions. For instance, you got a good skill in singing, I'd say, "aah, meet Utkarsha, she is a fabulous singer, her lineage is Indian classical music. Her parents are eminent vocalists". When you introduce people, the whole environment becomes interesting. When you introduce, you start rolling a conversation between two people. If I am hosting a dinner, I would habitually start saying, "Are you looking for a good family lawyer, here's the one. She has dealt with about 32 cases till now, and she is normally very successful so why don't you chat with her?" I am an image consultant I wont let any wrong person enter my domain. It is all about mingling the right crowd.
Finally, I believe there are three kinds of guests in the world. First is a Banquet Crowd, the four-five thousands of people you call to fill a banquet hall, there you can invite anyone, it doesn't matter. Then there are Living Room Friends, to have interesting conversations with. Living Room Guests create an intimate scene over a couple of glasses of wine, home-cooked food, where people are talking about each other and exchanging notes. Then there are Kitchen Guests. Kitchen Guests are your real buddies, it really doesn't matter what you have cooked, you can dress the way you want, you can get drunk, fall down or crack naughty jokes. You see, these buddies don't mind picking up the dishes and going into the kitchen. But kitchen friends are very few. According to me its just your parents, your husband and your children.
What are the positives and negatives of being a socialite?
First of all, I don't know what characterizes a socialite, because I am not one. Whenever I am invited to a big dinner, I usually stay for only fifteen minutes. I attend a celebration because I want to wish the host, I might or might not have dinner so after fifteen minutes there is actually no purpose in lingering around because in a big party the host cannot talk to you for a longer time. Moreover, in a big gathering you can barely take anyone in a corner and start having a real conversation. I can at times skip having dinner but I love conversations and cannot thrive without it. My priority is not to socialize, but to connect. I am not inclined to the typical socializing tradition because I can't do small talk and cannot be dishonest. When someone asks me, "What do you think about my yellow dress?" I could say, "I don't think this works for you". I am direct. A socialite will say, "How pretty you look in that yellow". I am not like that. Socialites will always be pleasant on your face, speak good things in your presence and praise you, even if it is fake or not worth it. A socialite always pretends to gain a brownie point, so people should invite her and she can get easily access to all the functions and parties. But I am a person who aspires to connect and would tell you exactly the way I feel because I need to gauge whether the person I am talking to is actually genuine or not.
What’s your core advice to women who want to achieve utmost confidence and live without regrets?
First and foremost, grab the knowledge and become a living encyclopedia, then you wont have time for negative thoughts. The thirst for learning is paramount. You can watch TV, read, travel and at the same time you can gather knowledge. Everyday you can learn. Your learning depends on what you absorb. You can learn anytime, anywhere and from everyone. I learn a lot from my Domestic help. He tells me when he was young he was working in horticulture, so I learnt a lot about chemicals that go into preserving the plants just by talking to him. In fact the best and most reliable nutrition tips come from your vegetable vendor. If I spend half an hour talking to a vegetable vendor, I become half a nutritionist.
Secondly, I always own myself and do what I like. As a woman, you are not answerable to anybody if you don't do anything wrong, nobody should be able to point a finger at you, not even your mother. The moment somebody points a finger at you, you assume there is something wrong with you or with something that you have done so you start feeling regretful. Ask yourself, "Is anything actually wrong with what I am doing? I am traveling, so what?", "If I am drinking, am I misbehaving or abusing?" Understand that when you don't do anything wrong, automatically, nobody dares to point a finger at you and you simply move on to do exactly what you love.
Chhaya Momaya was a panelist at India Today Women Summit
What is your advice to people who want to become rich, successful and famous ?
Work hard, it is the only thing in your control. Give 100% without brooding over the outcome. If you believe in something, the world will start believing in it. I am talking about my own children. My son Dheer functions in a very off beat and avant-garde genre of art. He is feature film producer. He made his choice and went on after it. He went on to collaborate with Bumble. At the age of 24 he has produced two award-winning feature films (Teen Aur Aadha and Namdev Bhau In Search Of Silence). Now he's got Netflix ad, Jaguar ad and is filming with most highly acclaimed actors. All the entertainment industry wizards are queuing up to collaborate with him. He doesn't pause to look at what time it is, and keeps going on along with his cohort. I feel you have to believe in yourself. Consider the example of Walt Disney. Look at his story. He went bankrupt, he took time to sail but look at the ultimate legacy he has created - Walt Disney Films, Disneyland. He created all that just out of his will and perseverance. That's it.
You have seen prosperity & abundance closely. You regularly interact with people who have made their dreams come true. After spending so many long years with celebrities and billionaires, do you conclude that we need a lot of money to be happy?
You get money when you are happy. When you are happy, automatically, only positive vibes come out of you, when you start spreading those positive vibes, the right people come in your contact and you naturally think right. When you think right, automatically, you become successful. When you become successful, automatically, money follows.
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